It's like a parade of train wrecks.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't turn off my feet"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
