you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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