i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
