so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
