i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
