M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
