that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
