My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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