What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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