Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize