Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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