My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
