i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
