Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
