I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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