You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
