please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
