...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
