I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
