We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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