Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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