turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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