He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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