you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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