Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize