Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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