My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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