How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
