Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
