So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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