We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
