why do cheetos always look like penises
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
