Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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