Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
