Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
