yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
