No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
