i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
