You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
