69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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