I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
