I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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