No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize