I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
