did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
