I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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