i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
