Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
