i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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