i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
