you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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