once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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