you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
