no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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