Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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