One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
