I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
