Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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