i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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