dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
