I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
