That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
