i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am spending my child support on dildos
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
