If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
