You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's just like the Real World with babies
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
