No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
