Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize