took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
