just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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