did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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