I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
