you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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