Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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